#dad!xie rights

[raddestrose]

Xie Lian would make a great ao3 author, on the grounds of he’s been living through the author’s curse for 800 years

[muzsmocsing]

This is probably against canon but in my head gods do age, just very very slowly. So Xie Lian who ascended at 17 would look like he's in his mid 20s 800 years later. Why? Because I need Jun Wu to have grey hairs. It doesn't sit right with my soul to have his ancient bitter ass be youthful. I need him to serve that divorced dad midlife crisis realness.

[stiltonbasket]

I almost never post TGCF on this blog, but this concept has been plaguing my mind for a solid week, so here goes.

Consider an AU where, for various reasons, Bai Wuxiang never really notices Xie Lian. Xie Lian finds little Hong-hong'er long before the Shangyuan Festival where they met in canon, which means Xie Lian never stops to save a falling child during the parade (though baby Hua Cheng was already smitten by then). Xie Lian never ascends, since the demon of Yi Nian bridge never appears at the bridge after the festival; and the Xian Le-Yong'an civil war still takes place, but ends in Xian Le's favor within a few years.

Eighteen months into the war, Feng Xin disappears during a raid.

Xie Lian and the rest of his men search for him for months; but eventually, they're forced to report him as missing, assumed dead. At some point, Xie Lian returns to the palace and is sought out by Jian Lan, who was in a secret relationship with Feng Xin before he went to war—and who now has no one to legitimize their unborn child, although Feng Xin knew that she was pregnant and was planning to marry her during his next leave.

As the king's sole child, Xie Lian is under immense pressure to marry and father an heir to succeed him in case he dies in battle. In addition, he blames himself for Feng Xin's apparent death; and when Jian Lan comes to him for help, Xie Lian offers to marry her and accept her child as his own for Feng Xin's sake. This way, Xie Lian gets to maintain his cultivation path, and Jian Lan and her baby become members of Xian Le's royal family.

The war ends six months after the baby's birth: and eventually, Feng Xin returns alive from Yong'an, having been imprisoned there for over a year. When he gets back to the capital, he learns about Jian Lan's marriage to Xie Lian and is understandably distraught; but he makes peace with the situation relatively quickly, because 1) he knows that Jian Lan's life would have been ruined if someone hadn't stepped in to marry her and 2) Xie Lian has given him and Jian Lan his blessing to continue their relationship in secret.

His only stipulation is that they keep the relationship secret, because any speculation about the new Crown Princess's fidelity could call her child's legitimacy into question. And while Xie Lian would never object to an amicable divorce and co-parenting situation so that Jian Lan could marry Feng Xin, a divorce would be detrimental to all three families involved and damage the new baby prince's future prospects.

It's surprisingly easy for the three of them to work out an arrangement, since Feng Xin is expected to spend most of his time close to Xie Lian (and by extension, to Jian Lan as well). Fenglan get to be together, baby Xie Yan grows up being doted on by his mom and two dads, and Xie Lian is blissfully free of any obligations to continue the family line now that he has successfully "fathered" a son.

This goes on without a hitch for over ten years, until one of Feng Xin's old war injuries acts up and forces him into retirement. He still spends 100% of his time with the royal family, but he no longer accompanies Xie Lian when the latter is away from Jian Lan and Xie Yan.

Enter young army general Hua Cheng, who won the right to serve as the Crown Prince's bodyguard after a very intense trial by combat.

And so begins a long year of Hua Cheng absolutely losing it because of how badly he wants to be with Xie Lian. He knows that Xie Lian would never betray his wife, and has no intentions of breaking up his beloved's family: but he manages to keep it together until the day Xie Lian and Jian Lan announce that they're expecting their second child, because he catches the "unfaithful" Crown Princess kissing Feng Xin in a deserted hallway right after the congratulatory banquet.

Xie Lian was just trying to have a nice night in with Xie Yan when a sobbing Hua Cheng dragged Feng Xin into his room and started begging him (Xie Lian) not to give in to despair at his wife's and best friend's betrayal. Hua Cheng does get a complete explanation about The Arrangement, but he's very distressed about not being able to beat Feng Xin up to his heart's content.

(He and Xie Lian get together a few months later, after which Hua Cheng surrenders the title of Most Heartbroken Man Alive and becomes the Smuggest Man Alive.)

[questionable-sanity]

Xianle Quartet Polycule Headcanons bc I said so:

Feng Xin getting absolutely choked to death at night by his three Rapunzels' long-ass hair

Related: Hua Cheng, Xie Lian, and Mu Qing waking up once with their hair in a literal knot and Feng Xin being the one to carefully pick it apart (Mu Qing braids their hair every night thereafter)

Whenever Hua Cheng is sick of Feng Xin's yelling/arguing or whenever he's just bored, he shape-shifts into a female body to freak him out (Mu Qing absolutely eggs this on)

Of the four of them, surprisingly, Xie Lian can make Mu Qing blush the easiest (his secret is carefully guarded and Mu Qing will NEVER sate Feng Xin's nor Hua Cheng's curiosity)

As a canonically beautiful group of men from possibly the most pretentious nation on current history, they are judgemental as FUCK and support one another in this. "I don't want to be mean," Xie Lian begins, followed by Mu Qing saying, "No, no, you're right. That man is hideous."

Feng Xin Practicing Archery Watch is a carefully unspoken and blatantly objectifying ritual amongst Xie Lian, Mu Qing, and Hua Cheng. Feng Xin is the only one blissfully unaware (Hua Cheng: Say a single word, Ming Guang, and your temples are done for).

Mu Qing and Hua Cheng silently and pettily fight frequently over who gets to comb Xie Lian's hair at night. Xie Lian pretends not to notice and keeps a straight face as he hands Feng Xin the comb whenever this happens.

Early in their relationship Hua Cheng, Xie Lian, and Feng Xin routinely come up with careful plans to get Mu Qing to accept affections and gifts without either spooking him or making him question their genuineness (this takes like 300 years to get over).

Ghost City goes through decades of cyclical gossip as to WHICH of the three Hua Cheng is actually in a committed relationship with before settling on the idea that their king just has a harem.

E-Ming is insanely jealous of the other spiritual weapons, but especially Zhanmadao, who isn't even sentient. It's a sword thing.

Feng Xin and E-Ming's relationship is kind of like a dog-person dad forming a bond with the house cat. Begrudging acceptance, then begrudging affection, then full on cat dad behavior while still arguing that he is a dog person.

On days they are feeling particularly synchronous, Feng Xin, Mu Qing, and Hua Cheng bond by talking shit about Qi Rong. And sometimes beating up Qi Rong if he deserves it (he usually does).

Hua Cheng quietly makes sure that Cuo Cuo and Jian Lan are taken care of, and Feng Xin is quietly grateful.

One time, maybe for Hua Cheng's birthday, Mu Qing and Xie Lian agree to re-create their performance for the God Pleasing Festival. Feng Xin participates by happily pushing Hua Cheng over a railing (knowing full well that Hua Cheng let it happen) so Xie Lian can catch him.

Ruoye will randomly curl itself into Hua Cheng's (around his side ponytail in his San Lang form), Mu Qing's (in his ponytail), and Feng Xin's (in his bun) hair

Soft Dom Xie Lian.

[flowersdiceandlove]

Some more on my Nan Feng and Fu Yao were actually fengqing's kids all along au (first part here):

@happypeachsludgeflower @sleepyburito yes!! You get it!

When Xie Lian finally learns who they are, he turns to fengqing apologetically and says seriously, “Feng Xin, Mu Qing, I’m so sorry. I thought they were you. If I’d known they were just kids I would have focused on protecting them and making sure they were safe more.”

Nan Feng and Fu Yao are in the background, outraged and offended that Xie Lian thinks they need to be protected by him. It does not matter how old these two are, Xie Lian will forever see them as kids to be protected. Fengqing are actually kinda touched bc 1) XL thought the kids were them and therefore not in need of protecting, trusting their skills. And 2) Xie Lian likes their kids and wants them safe, feeling protective of them.

Post-canon, Xie Lian kinda becomes Nan Feng and Fu Yao’s kooky grandpa who has weird and slightly horrifying stories that no one really wants to listen to. When getting ready for visits to Xie Lian, there’s a lot of “do we have to?” by the kids and Mu Qing replying with a clipped “yes.” They argue the entire way down to the mortal realm or wherever they’re meeting until they immediately shut up when they spot Xie Lian. This family cannot communicate normally. All their conversations are arguing.

Also, fengqing sent the kids down independently. Neither knew the other was doing it, nor decided to inform the other. They only found out about it when the kids got back from the mission, at which point fengqing went to each other like "you sent Nan Feng/Fu Yao to help His Highness? What, do you not trust His Highness' capabilities or something!?" and the other is all "Bitch, you did the same thing!" They then fight about it. Of course.

And, because of this little non communication, Nan Feng and Fu Yao didn't know the other would be there too. The reason this matters is because the two of them end up being sent on a lot of missions together (they were trained together in their youth and fengqing knew they would have each other's backs in dangerous situations and that they knew each other's moves as well as their own), and were getting sick of it, so when their dad told them to do this, they did so with the impression that the other wouldn't be there. This is why Nan Feng and Fu Yao keep telling Xie Lian to send the other away. They do not want to do another mission with their stupid twin. (They still always drag each other into trouble together. They're ride or die, but will complain the entire time. just like their parents)

As I was thinking about fengqing's relationship and their kids in regards to the other Heavenly Officials, this is what I got: Not a lot of Heaven actually knows about it.

Feng Xin and Mu Qing are known to always be fighting and arguing, so if they hear rumors that the two are together, they laugh it off and go "yeah, right" with a roll of their eyes. It's simply unbelievable. There are also a lot of Middle Court Officials, and the gods can't be concerned to remember every single one of them. And Junior Officials also switch which palace they work for sometimes, so Fu Yao and Nan Feng switching between the Palace of Nan Yang and the Palace of Xuan Zhen isn't that odd especially since fengqing fight so much, they might also fight over Junior Officials. The most that line of questioning goes is "Wait, I thought you were with the Palace of Xuan Zhen?" "No, I'm with the Palace of Nan Yang." or vice versa. Of course fengqing's Junior Officials know the truth, but the two Palaces will always have a friendly rivalry with each other. If that "friendly rivalry" looks like death matches, that's not their problem, that's just how their palaces do it with each other. Like an extended family that is very competitive and ends up with everyone in the hospital at the end of the family reunion.

Of those in Heaven that do know that Nan Feng and Fu Yao really are fengqing's kids, most don't know that fengqing are still together. They know that at some point in the past fengqing were together and had two kids, but think they're now a divorced couple in a nasty fight over custody. After all, Nan Feng and Fu Yao both have rooms in both the Palace of Nan Yang and the Palace of Xuan Zhen and are being constantly passed between the two palaces in cycles and Mu Qing and Feng Xin are always fighting. Looking at it in that regard, it makes perfect sense to them. Of course the two generals have such a nasty relationship and can't get along for the life of them, they're exes!

Those that know the whole truth, that Nan Feng and Yu Yao are fengqing's kids and that fengqing are still very much together and in love, are very few. Ling Wen knows simply because she knows everything and she also had to go through the paperwork of the constantly changing palaces of the kids. Eventually they work out a system for them so that they don't have to file official reports of switching palaces all the time. (She would have killed them if they didn't (they knew this and so were quick to figure out a solution)) Pei Ming also knows. He's laughing about. He doesn't really understand how their relationship works and how they haven't killed each other yet, but is like "🤷‍♂️ whatever works for them." Shi Wudu knows because of the Three Tumors, but honestly doesn't care and spares it no thought. I think Shi Qingxuan would also know. He would also think it's common knowledge and therefore not gossip worthy or worth a mention. I also think he would get along with the twins.

[crimsonmonsoon]

The wedding scene but its a cowboy/western AU HUZZAH!

I kinda wanted to write what this scene would look like in this AU... So read that below for funzies.

Side note my dad walked in after I finished this and said "wow! Who's the little princess?" so Xie Lian is now a princess, confirmed.

All the beasts, demons, creatures, and even the wind itself had gone quiet as Hua Cheng approached the wedding carriage. He'd waited a few moments after slaughtering every binu that remained, skulking about the carriage which held one person--presumably a bride, but of course, he knew who it really was, why else would he be there? One of the doors--curtain closed over the window--lay ajar, evidently bashed in by some beast which had dismantled the hinges. Though the wind hand no resonance, there was a slight cacophonous creaking from this door laying askew, gently rocking back and fourth in its tired frame. Hua Cheng approached and pushed the door slightly open.

He kept his head bowed, ensuring his hat cast a shadow over his face so that his beloved would not see the hideous monster that lay beneath. He picked up on Xie Lian--dressed in a frilly white and inconvenient wedding gown--shifting, his breath changing at the sight of Hua Cheng's outstretched hand. Hua Cheng could practically hear Xie Lian's anxious thoughts, knowing not to trust the dark figure before him while also deciding to give in, likely under the impression he could save someone. That's always what Xie Lian would do. He'd save someone he'd never know, even if it meant he had to suffer greatly.

But he wouldn't be suffering with Hua Cheng. At least, Hua Cheng hoped he wouldn't.

The light touch of a gloved hand against his own sent chills up Hua Cheng's spine. He kept still, allowing Xie Lian the time to shuffle to the edge of his bench in order to bunglingly step out of the carriage with a dress so large. Hua Cheng didn't even know what to think of the dress. He decided it best not to look at his beloved, lest he act stupid. He kept his patience, assisting Xie Lian out of the carriage.

The hoop-skirt beneath all those petticoats got caught in the door frame and Xie Lian, having no experience in matters like these, immediately fell forward. He gasped and Hua Cheng quickly caught him, holding him respectful and giving him a moment to gather himself. He noticed Xie Lian's eyes had caught the butterfly pattern on Hua Cheng's sleeves. However, the wedding veil likely obscured too much of Xie Lian's vision to see much further than that.

Hua Cheng helped right Xie Lian on his feet, careful to make sure that the white gown didn't touch any of the bloody corpses of wolves surrounding them. He could sense Xie Lian was wary of him, likely planning a way to attack if anything implied Hua Cheng might pull a stunt. So, he was as meticulous with him as possible, showing more gentleness to him than he had to anyone ever before. His pace was slow, so Hua Cheng matched is, nonchalantly leading him away from the wedding carriage, which had been cut free of horses.

As they passed a dense tree line into a carved path, wolves began to scamper in the distance, circling around and beginning to close in. Xie Lian's tender gloved hand clutched Hua Cheng's in anticipation. As one wolf, louder than the others, came particularly close, Xie Lian had actually reached for the gun at Hua Cheng's hip, to his alarm. However, he could help but smile as Xie Lian softened again, having heard that these wolves weren't circling them as predators, but were whimpering and creeping away in fear. The pistol was never drawn.

Then they came across a skull. Hua Cheng acted as if he had not seen it, purposely making an effort to crush it under his step. He could hear Xie Lian's small breath of confusion and mild concern. Xie Lian would be more surprised to hear the pitter patter of rain on the umbrella Hua Cheng had just drawn. However, it wasn't raining. Over the howling of wolves and the cold still air, a smell of blood arose, almost overwhelming to the senses. Hua Cheng remained composed, and Xie Lian relaxed again.

When the blood rain came to a stop, so did the two immortals. They stood beside each other, still hand in hand. Xie Lian side stepped away, lifting his head to get a better look at the man who'd guiding him away from the wedding carriage. It was clear he'd been waiting to do this, slightly lifting his skirt with his free hand to release the cattle-rope--previously hooked around his hoop-skirt--out and in Hua Cheng's direction like a striking rattlesnake.

The cattle-rope was met by an enormous eruption of silver butterflies, twinkling like a thousand stars. Hua Cheng had vanished.

[levemetal]

Random ass tgcf AU idea I got while suffering ironing like 3 hanfus and their 3 fucking layers (the struggles of cosplay is all I will say) and decided to make tumblr's problem

Spoilers for tgcf so shoo if you don't wish to get spoilers.

AU where MNQ decided to stay with Jun Wu at that post-Wuyong conflict - and wound up killed by Jun Wu. In his grief and guilt Jun Wu runs away, only burying MNQ but not tossing him into the volcano like the other 3 - combined with Jun Wu's guilt and MNQ's desire to live, it is enough for MNQ to awaken again, but as a ghost. With JW no where in sight, Mei Nianqing begins to wander, trying to find his highness. So the centuries pass, with neither being aware of the other's continued presence - MNQ is still searching and JW has ascended again to reshape the heavens and thinks his old vassals all dead.

Eventually, Mt. Tonglu opens up and MNQ is the first calamity to emerge from it. He has found traces of JW, but with ascension not being in fate's cards for him and him needing more power, becoming a calamity/supreme was the next best step. Eventually, as the word and tales about a new ghost king are spun, JW begins to wonder - cartomancy, fate-reading and manipulation, said to be an excellent fortune reader, it all sounds too familiar, although JW thinks it must just be coincidences, right? And MNQ suspects the Heavenly Emperor to be his dear highness, but he dares not approach or cause too much issues for the heavens, part of him wanting to avoid Jun Wu whilst the other wants to find him again. And so, the two manage to consistently miss each other just so. Until Xianle.

As in canon, Jun Wu takes an interest in the young Xie Lian, and MNQ who saw what star the prince was born under, becomes state preceptor of Xianle, posing as a regular human.

Events as in canon, Xianle falls and MNQ is immediately suspicious as hell of Bai Wuxiang. Commence what I would dub two calamities fighting over custody of their son. MNQ uses his own clones to defy JW/BWX and it devolves into them being too preoccupied fighting each other to pay much attention to Xianle.

Now how it goes from here depends on your preferences. Complete tgcf timeline au, with XL being spared the horrors cause his dads are too busy spiderman-meme pointing at each other and ducking out who gets XL on the weekends and who during the week. OOooor you could make it so that smth happens (like MNQ losing and having to retire for a while to recuperate to watch over XL, or simply booking it from the start cause he does not want to encounter JW who's very much onto him thank you very much), the horrors of XL's life persist until he decides to nope off into the unknown with his two shackles.

Actually I like the latter option, but up to you which route you wanna go. Both are funny. Going with the latter option you can leave most of the tgcf's past timeline unchanged (including, HC, He Xuan, etc.), maybe with changes to the calamities' dynamics if you want to include MNQ in them (or not).

Anyway yeah that's it, that's the idea. Calamities JW and MNQ custody fighting over their adoptive son XL. Do with it what you will or throw it in the trash idc. I might write a fic if I ever pick that hobby up. Or draw something for it, or not. Who knows, I don't. But this idea is free for the taking as per usual.

[bloopitynoot]

Reading TGCF: Chapter 41

For those who don't know, I am reading TGCF for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag Bloopitynoot reads TGCF. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read BUT if you followed along with my SVSSS read, the rules and vibe are the same.

No tea today; it is a red wine day!

Why you ask? Because I made stew. Whenever I make stew it's like a 4 hour process and involves me and most of a bottle of red wine while it brews.

So yes, I did read this chapter slightly wine tipsy.

The stew turned out so good though :'3

Anyways let's get into chapter 41!!!

I admit it took me two pages to realize we were back in the present (I also didn't even realize where we were in the present because it's been so long). p238

If I were Xie Lian, I too would be using my boyfriend's name as a threat to my enemies. p238

Fuck. I forgot Qi Rong is wearing the skin of the dad and that the kid is right there. p239

Good for Xie Lian! The second Qi Rong said "Whoever gave you that must not mean you well" I literally said out loud 'well that's bullshit'. Zero trust in Qi Rong lol. pp241-242

Well damn. Banyue being snatched by xiao-pei! p243

Pei Ming is such a dick too. Taking an opportunistic move to try to once again pin the Banyue situation on Xie Lian. p245

Wait LOL. This entire time I thought Banyue was in an empty pickle jar. LOL it's not empty. Why is this so funny. p245

oh shit!! Wind master was in the jar! The twist of the chapter. p246

I need to know what was up with the rain master and General Pei. I instantly am thinking the worst because of who General Pei is and his many conquests. p247

General Pei's decision now makes more sense knowing he's already lost a descendant due to exile. Still unhinged choices though. p249

That image of the heavens being steps (not actually, but seemingly) away from the moon is gorgeous. p252

The wind master once again coming in clutch for tedious social situations. p253

That wine glass game is my worst nightmare. Not a single introvert or social outcast would fare well here. p257

oh god. General Pei and his many love affairs. So wild. p257

Barf. The lore about Lord Water Master and Lady Wind Master being married. noooooooooooope. p259

The stress I feel for Xie Lian

The fact that he currently has the wine glass is making me sweat. Like what play are they going to get for this guy that isn't absolutely depressing.

[luobinghaj]

OKAY we all know and love the "wei wuxian is adopted by hualian" concept. i see this and i raise you: cangse sanren and mid-banishment xie lian were close good friends. cangse sanren dies right after xie lian ascends the third time, leaves xie lian a tiny a-ying, and xie lian goes about the current events of tgcf with a little (becoming less little very fast) baby boy strapped to his back, teaching him cultivation all the way. by some event wwx still ends up associated with the jiangs, either lianlian calling in a favor from jiang fengmian on behalf of cangse sanren or maybe the jiang siblings simply deciding they want another brother. and when the twin prides of yunmeng set off to gusu, mdzs continues like normal, except now lan qiren's adhd nightmare has two extremely protective dads who end up introducing 504 plans to the cultivation world. thank you goodnight!!!!1!!!1!

[doctorlafayette]

I'm still thinking about Xie Lian's luck. Even if I accept the premise that a lack of good luck results in extreme bad luck, I still have questions. I don't remember if this is fandom or cannon, but I know that Xie Lian is kind of treated like a bad luck charm. Because his bad luck doesn't just affect him, but also those around him. And that kind of makes sense. If a house falls down it's not going to only hit one person when a bunch of people are inside. It also parallels Hong'er who was supposed to bring bad luck to the people around him (according to Mei Nianqing).

However, Xie Lian doesn't stop receiving (producing?) good luck, his share is just dispersed before it can affect him or his circumstances. So, I really like the idea that disregarding outside factors (wars, Qi Rong messing everything up, Shi Qingxaun starting and spreading a fire) the people around Xie Lian are actually luckier because they are the closest to his dispersed luck. Like the Guilded Banquet wasn't bad luck, it was a malicious plot. If anything Lang Qianqiu was lucky that he was late to his own party. The only bad luck involved was that he walked in right when Xie Lian had stabbed his dad. And that mostly affected Xie Lian.

All this is to say that I'd love a fanfic that had pre-cannon Xie Lian get kidnapped and used like the Child of Omelas. Maybe one of his kidnappers takes him to the Gambler's Den as a good luck charm only to be slaughtered by Hua Cheng. Or maybe Feng Xin and Mu Qing find him after investigating a super lucky village that has one spot that is like the worst place to be in.

[azzandra]

Second thing I think about in TGCF is that bit where Jun Wu is furious about the thought that Xie Lian might have gone off and fathered a child.

It's such a weird, possessive beat, but so revealing in retrospect.

Because Jun Wu just wants an ideological showdown in the end. He wants to show that his view is the correct one, and Xie Lian's is the wrong one. He literally picked a fight with a teenager he wanted to prove wrong, and he's been working at that for centuries, wanting to prove once and for all to Xie Lian that the common people are scum, that Xie Lian should give up on them, than anyone would give up on them and hate them, because they're awful and ungrateful, and see? See how Jun Wu was correct to act the way he did? See how he was proven right in the end because he finally managed to make Xie Lian agree?

But if Xie Lian spent all his time in the mortal world becoming one of the common people, doing all the mundane shit that mortals do, that must be so infuriating to Jun Wu. No! Living like a commoner is supposed to be a humiliating, painful experience! It was only supposed to motivate Xie Lian into becoming a cold-hearted tyrant!

If he decided to just like, find love and be a dad instead, that suddenly renders Jun Wu's whole game irrelevant. It means Xie Lian just sidestepped the whole planned showdown! While Jun Wu was pettily setting up some adolescent debate club, Xie Lian was like, doing this disgusting regular people shit! Jun Wu can't have a showdown with some random peasant, he needs to prove his point by breaking down a god and a prince! He gave Xie Lian a palace!!! Why won't he play the role!!! There is no third option, there isn't, there isn't, get back here and play the role correctly!

And like, obvs Xie Lian wasn't Cuo Cuo's dad, but he did defeat Jun Wu by falling in love and fostering bonds with the people around him. Jun Wu devoured his friends for betraying him, and drove out the last one willing to be on his side. Xie Lian put any grudges behind him long before he was reunited with his own friends.

idk, I just think, when it came to Body in Abyss, Heart in Paradise, Jun Wu could never. Xie Lian talked the talk and the walked the walk.

[chirpycloudyrobin]

Previous || Masterlist || START || Next

it's in the dead of night when wei wuxian meets hua cheng and xie lian again right in the middle of the jingshi

to wwx, hua cheng was. hm. how shld wwx describe him ?

",,, dad ,,,?"

"... do i LOOK—"

okay but in all seriousness wwx never wouldve fully pieced his soul together back in the burial mounds in the amount of time he did without hua cheng and xie lians help. so hua cheng is kind of like wwx's ghost dad ? maybe ? and xie lian's his ghost/god mom who gently coaxed his soul pieces back together while hua cheng glared at him for stressing his husband out

anyways

wwx gets scolded pretty badly for immediately jumping into shenanigans not even a day after his emergence from the kiln. hell, his injuries from the decade-long brawl probably havent even healed yet and does he even have a decent grasp on his new devastation ghost abilities yet ?

the scene in the jingshi truly looked like two parents scolding their unruly child for scampering off at the first opportunity despite being barely an adult in age

wwx is not three this time around, thank u very much !!

they talk abt the demonic left arm from mo village and how it has garnered the attention of the heavenly capital because apparently it belonged to someone who was supposed to ascend to the upper courts but their soul was chopped up before they could get their heavenly calamity.

huh, wwx thinks. what the fuck happened while i was in mt tonglu

hua cheng warns wwx to be careful bc the heavenly capital is sending two local deities to investigate the demonic left arm on the non-mortal side of things and he doenst want xie lian to be worried for wwx

(hua cheng is absolutely worried for him too, wwx is very sure)

"pls dont get urself punted into jail ur gnna stress out gege and if u stress out gege ill-" "ill be fine ! ive got thee hanguang-jun w me lol !" hua cheng raises an eyebrow at the thought of a mortal cultivator guarding a ghost king. one of the best of his generation, sure, but still a mortal. wwx pouts at him, "u cant judge me ur protecting a whole thrice-ascended god"

after all the serious talk was done (and insane inspection of wwx's [surprisingly perfect] human disguise), hua cheng hangs around to watch wwx make a fool of himself.

his pseudo-dad is enjoying his torment apparently. he'll tattle on him to xie lian later for sure.

but for now wwx focuses on getting out of there !! and mxy too !! he wonders if the kid is doing okay in the guest quarters. he hopes hes not bored

wwx's attempts to get himself and mxy kicked out of the cloud recesses by scandalizing the shit out of lwj fails spectacularly (what the fuck lwj is EVEN MORE RIPPED than the last time he saw him what the-) and he spends the night in a body-bind spell on lwj's body and he ??? cannot make sense of the entire thing

he can still hear hua cheng's cackles into the next morning

but thats fine because a while later the mingshi is going crazy with resentful energy and wwx's ghost instincts are like "FINALLY SOME GOOD FUCKING FOOD (literal) (hes been craving to eat resentful energy)" and he barges into the room, plops his ass down, and does an impromptu duet w lwj

the arm is subdued. wwx was able to feed without drawing anyone's suspicions. the mystery is getting uncovered bit by bit because the hand is pointing to their next destination

wwx leaves mxy in the care of the lan sect while he and lwj go out and solve this murder mystery

absolutely nothing is going to go wrong ! :D

[muzsmocsing]

Reviewing tgcf characters because I have thoughts

I finished S2 recently and I need somewhere to put my not exactly hot but like warm (?) takes because it's taking up too much storage space in my brain.

🤍 Xie Lian 🤍

It's a good thing I'm not into guys because if I was I would be on my knees for this man in every sense of that expression and his pet menace to society would mince me up like garlic.

So I'll try to be brief about my overflowing feelings about him. Xie Lian is the best main character I have come across in a WHILE. He's the embodiment of compassion and kindness. And also a cold blooded murderer. A babygirl. A father figure. A terrifying martial god. A silly little guy. A pathological liar. The most genuine man you'll ever meet. He's everything, and Hua Cheng is 100% valid in his obsession. I'm right there with him.

Rating: 10/10

❤️ Hua Cheng ❤️

Idk if we ever figured out who wrote My Immortal but I'm pretty sure we have our culprit.

"Hi my name is Hua Cheng Crimson Rain Sought Flower Red-Robed Ghost King and this is my evil weapon of death E-ming. I've killed soooo many gods with it!! My dark power is I can summon storms of BLOOD and SUFFERING. I have my own scary city of DEMONS and they all love me and think I'm HOT but I only want my BOYFRIEND who's the only REAL GOD so STOP FLAMING HIM YOU POSERS-"

Needless to say I love him. Being the 8 time winner of the Loverboy of the Century Awards with unbeatable records in the yearning olympics is truly a remarkable feat.

Rating: 9/10

(Bonus: E-ming. Cute little guy. Likes his stepdad more than his real dad. Not afraid to show it's feelings even if it makes it look like a muppet, 10/10)

🧡 Feng Xin & Mu Qing 🧡

Tweedle dee and tweedle dum gets a shared rating because they would hate to be grouped together like that and that's funny to me. Their dynamic is great, they're good characters, I wasn't sure which one was which until midway through the second season. But then also I have a pair of 7yo twin cousins who I still can't tell apart despite them not looking even a slight bit similar so that might just be a character flaw on my end. Oops.

Rating: 7/10

🩵Shi Qingxuan🩵

I'm doubling the rating because she is best boy and best girl at the same time. I love that I can use any and all pronouns for him because he's literally a pride parade personified and therefore all of them are correct. You don't get that type of chaotic fun just anywhere.

He is truly living my dream, presenting as whatever gender they want depending on what's more convenient and/or funnier in the moment. Super useful, for things like gathering intel and terrorizing Feng Xin by being a woman.

And I personally think we should crown her the new emperor. She'd look significantly better on that throne, with her Barbie-like radiance and flourishing Kenergy.

Rating: 20/10

🖤 Ming Yi 🖤

Listen, I hate to say it because I like a sunshine x grump moment as much as the next gay but he's just... not giving what he thinks he's giving. Everyone is whispering ominously about him having some dark devastating secret but MY point is no matter how big his boobs are in his female form, Shi Qingxuan could do better. I'm sorry. She really could.

Rating: 4/10

💙 Lang Qianqiu 💙

Just an honest man with good intentions and a sickass fucking sword. He did NOT hesitate to attack the infamous Crimson Rain Sought Flower on SIGHT and I respect a quick decisionmaker, even if it shows some himbo tendencies. He also has the same distinct energy as Fred from Scooby Doo.

Rating: 6/10

💚 Qi Rong 💚

He's got some odd dietary and moral choices going on. Definitely. But he's just such a fun villain!!! Being Xie Lian's nr 1 source of migraines SHOULD make me like him less but I'm sorry, every time he was on screen I was LIVING. He would do numbers on reality TV. Someone put this guy on Kitchen Nightmares, I need to see him 1v1 Gordon Ramsay.

Rating: 7/10

🌚 Jun Wu 🌚

He has his emperor status & DILF card going for him but something about this man just ain't right. If he came to a party I was attending I would cover my drink is all I'm saying.

Rating: 2/10

🔥Pei Ming🔥

I don't know much about him besides he had that one shady empolyee or whatever (could not hear the plot over the deafening sound of Hua Cheng's yearning) but I'm partial to a good manwhore character. The thought of people praying to him like "Hugh Mungus, who art in heaven-" really tickles me.

I know he's probably straight but I headcanon him as at the very least bi-curious because you can't be that hot with that much game and not use it for evil. (That evil being causing large scale gay awakenings among his soldiers.)

Rating: 7/10

❓Pei Xiu❓

Unreliable, unimportant, unattractive, unemployed.

I remember not a singular thing about him besides fucking up Xie Lian's daughter's life and also being on my last nerve from the jump. If you're going to be evil at like least be memorable about it, you know? You can't be a bad person and a bad character at the same time. Pick a struggle.

Rating: 1/10

📚 Ling Wen 📚

I heard she committed some war crimes but honestly if I had to do an entire realm's tax returns by myself AND teach Pei Ming how to read (I refuse to believe that man is literate, just look at him) I would want to rage on occasion too. I hope she has a hot wife waiting for her at home to give her massages after carrying the whole system on her back all day. It's what she deserves.

Rating: 8/10

Thank you for reading!! Opinions might change once I read the books but as of now this is it. Remembering everyone's names has been a journey and a half so this post is sponsored by @kirstenly 's character cheat sheet go look at it! and everything else too!!!

[apeachthatplaystheflute]

Hear me out, Feng Xin, Mu Qing and Xie Lian’s moms are best friends in another universe. Mu Qing’s mom has an unexplainable illness, but she puts trust in the two moms to look after Mu Qing’s since his dad was in prison.

After Mu Qing’s mom dies, they hold a funeral for her and Mu Qing is just broken. When he turns, 12, he starts telling stories to children, tutoring them and volunteering at elderly homes and food drives for the poor. It brings him joy, and brings him closer to his mom because she used to do that stuff too. Feng Xin’s mom offers her home to Mu Qing, but he rejected, not because he hated it, but he honestly couldn’t bring himself to leave his home; so she pays for renovations for Mu Qing as a birthday gift— he was about 14 at the time.

When XL, FX, and MQ enter high school, they become closer, but especially MQ and FX. They still bicker like an old married couple, but after school when XL is hanging around HC and his mom, they’re with each other, either at MQ’s house or FX’s house. FX’s mom is absolutely over the moon about MQ, but they keep saying they don’t like each other like that, but mother knows best am I right?

After Mu Qing gets a job as a therapist after college, Feng Xin marries him 2 years after HuaLian gets married. They’d been dating 4 years prior.

That’s all :)

[sidecharactersdomatter]

Thoughts I had during TGCF S2 Ep 6

Previously on TGCF…

This is gonna be epic!!!

Cw: Past homicide

-That’s Yong’An in its heyday 

-Sparrows

-Fang Xin

-It’s Qianqiu’s assistant from Eps 1-2!

-Young Qianqiu is literally me in my Freshman year of High School during the first semester

-His butterfly shaped mask

-Writing the Laozi 10 times has the energy of making a kid stay in class and write a sentence over and over on the chalkboard till they’ve learned their lesson (Literally every Simpsons opening)

-He doubled it

-Imagine if Piandao talked to Sokka like that when beginning his sword training

-Man wonder who voices Young!Qianqiu?

-I mean the move could also get you hurt if you’re careless

-This is the Ancient Chinese version of the trolley problem, same analogy though

-I like to think this advice was taught to Zuko and Sokka when they were learning swordsmanship

-See, trolley problem esque

-Good advice to not intervene

-More dead bodies

-Oh no and that was his Dad

-That’s when the survivor’s guilt set in

-I can see why Xie Lian and Hua Cheng are perfect for each other, they both have a freaking high kill count

-Just like when Bruce Wayne lost his parents

-What did he say?

-He’s not a monster

-That was during his second ascenscion

-That’s gonna be a bad outcome

-“I wish to be stripped of my divinity” Literally every fangirl’s brain drifted to something else when he said that.  Just look at Kictor and Stitch

-Doesn’t seem like he earned it at all

-He just wants to get out of the drama

-If there was a modern AU, you know Shi Qingxuan would make an awesome and wealthy defense attorney

-There’s the Amongus quote

-Dang no answer

-There’s Prosecutor Pei Ming, that’s a good nickname.

-He made a solid point

-That’s the result of the Fang Xin trial with XL on house arrest and a restraining order from Taihua

-He made another enemy

-Aaaa pickle jar, better believe it Qingxuan

-How is she going to get air???

-That upset Qingxuan, Feng Xin, and Mu Qing

-The interior looks hollow in Xie Lian’s palace

-That’s coming out of Qingxuan’s pockets

-He deserves the apology hun

-He’s doing it, he’s doing the iconic old time Put your head between your arms against a flat surface like a Disney Princess!

-He still has the dice

-It’s snake eyes!

-Hi Mu Qing

-Stick it to Jun Wu, Mu Qing

-I know right, it did NOT seem like a healing spell at all

-Wonder if I can conceptualize a similar healing potion for TOH MTC…?

-You just had to ask him that didn’t you?

-Hi Feng Xin

-A guest who invited himself inside

-Welp he really was honest

-Seriously, Mu Qing you couldn’t have felt bad for his house arrest

-Xie Lian’s trying to mediate again

-Mu Qing’s response had bite to it

-One Punch!!!

-Fist Fight!  Fist Fight!

-“You’re a hypocrite, you’ve always looked down on me, but you’re not better than I am!!!”  Oh my gods, Lucien Dodge freaking delivered!!!

-“Enough…” Oh man, Xie Lian’s emotions

-The Junior Officials witnessing the Generals fisticuffs:

Feng Xin!  Feng Xin!  Feng Xin!

Mu Qing!  Mu Qing!  Mu Qing!

-“Did it really have to come to violence?” Yeah it pretty much did. - Iroh, dragon of the West, the Waterbending scroll

-Mu Qing: Fine I’ll break your face

Feng Xin: Not if I break yours first!  It’s too late to beg for mercy!  

That’s what I translated to the best of my skills during Xie Lian’s internal monologue

-He’s like a parent that’s disappointed with his two kids constantly at odd

-Don’t worry, hon what’s really gonna help them is Couples’ therapy, and I’d hate to be that therapist

-A dramatic sound effect!

-I can’t wait to write the Gaang’s reaction to the Wraith Butterflies

-That was a cool shield spell

-I love how the butterflies are easily dodging Xie Lian, but are charging toward Mu Qing and Feng Xin to scare the sh*t outta them

-He’s gonna hold one of the butterflies, he’s holding one of the butterflies, yeah too late man AND HE’S NUZZLING THE WINGTIPS WITH HIS NOSE Cue keyboard smash! WAE TESDHGFYFJ. RYGJ GUFTDRSSDFAEGRRESVGTGTRS DFGSTRWG EIEEEIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!! I always love this joke, no matter how old it’s gonna get in my reaction posts.

-Yeah he’s just going

-The real reason this episode took so long to air last year was that the animators had to get the waist snatch scene past censorship to spite their censor companies for not having Xie Lian fall into Hua Cheng’s lap in Eps 4-5.

-Xie Lian: Hello Again, Literally me: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! (This is the exact same noise Eleanor Shellstrop made when she was gifted a Shrimp Dispenser in The Good Place)

-They’re just backing up

-You two had one job!  Looking at you Feng Xin and Mu Qing!  I see ya

-He’s just tugging his sleeve as they’re walking

-Man, it’s like Hua Cheng took Little John’s advice from Robin Hood 1973 to “Climb the palace walls.  *Tosses out Gross Carrot* Sweep him off his feet, carry him off in style.” - Little John, Disney Robin Hood (1973) (Best Disney film hands down, freaking fight me if you dare)

-That must’ve hurt his ears

-Y’all had one job

-Feng Xin is just worried

-*Hua Cheng has entered the chat*  Like a goat!

-The subtle eye contact and expression he shared with Xie Lian!

-Some of the 33 gods he defeated are also in the chat

-That shook the veils

-Won’t that be pain in his mind?

-Looks like he saved you yeah

-A flashback from Ep 5!

-Touchstarved!  Touchstarved!  (Try prying this headcanon from my cold dead grip!)

-And here you’re about to see Howard Wang’s best performance in the series so far

-Best apology I’ve ever heard in media

-It healed that fast

-Petition to have James Cheek voice an iconic lead character in a Shakespeare play?

-Aw, they were actually both at fault for what happened

-You can actually feel Hua Cheng’s Shame

-E Ming: Noooo…. You hurt him!  I hurt him!  We hurt him! AAAHHH!  *sobs*

Season 2 has fed us once more!  I’m still busy with writing the Scrap Immortal and the Avatar.  For writing inspiration, I’ll be busy rewatching Avatar:  The Last Airbender

[xiaogesword]

Presenting my (veryy late) submission for day 1 of Wu Xie Birthday Week 2025! Today's prompt was childhood/pre-canon, and this fic plays into both! Enjoy this utter mess of cuteness and chaos! (ft. Xiao Hua and Xiuxiu!)

_

Flower in The Mirror, Moon in The Water

Wu Xie was bored. Had been here for what felt like hours, and there was no sign of anything worth his attention. He sighed, wondering why he had to be here, when it was all for the grown-ups anyway.

Yes, it was true that he did ask to come in the first place, since his san-shu was also going, but he didn’t think it would be this boring. He suddenly wished he was back home, listening to his grandpa tell him stories. Wu Xie always loved to hear them, even though they seemed to scare him a bit.

He sighed for the hundredth time in the past ten minutes. He walked around the corridor of the huge manor, arms hanging limply at his sides as he stared up at the different artifacts and items displayed on the walls. 

Where was his San-shu anyway? He had gone off to talk with the other grown ups as soon as they arrived, but not before telling Wu Xie, “Don’t wander too far, Xiao-xie. I don’t need you getting lost on your first time coming here with me. Your dad would skin me alive and sell my organs for pocket money if he knew I took you here without asking him first.”

Wu Xie had just nodded with a big smile on his seven-year-old face. He had every intention of wandering too far. And it’s not like this was an ancient tomb, how lost could he get?

Apparently very lost, because he had rounded this corner four times now, and saw the same painting six. He had no idea where he was now, but he wasn’t afraid. He’d find his way out, just like his grandpa did every time in his stories.

Wu Xie sighed yet again, and this time he heard a loud rumble erupt from his stomach. The sound echoed off the walls, and he realized how starving he was. He had only had a small breakfast consisting of a fried dough stick and a glass of milk earlier that morning. 

He needed food. And he had heard his San-shu say, ‘the Xie household has the best food out of the mystic nine’ or something of the sort. Wu Xie assumed that meant there were delicious delicacies somewhere waiting to be found and gobbled up by a hungry, curious-eyed little guest. His stomach growled angrily again. 

A rustle snapped the hungry young boy out of his thoughts and he whipped around. Standing behind him was another child, maybe a year younger but all the more elegant.

“Do you have some kind of mythical beast trapped in there?” The child asked, trying to keep a chuckle down. 

She… He – actually, Wu Xie wasn’t sure of the gender, but he decided on calling them a he for now– wore a white button-down beneath a pink sweater-vest with faint floral patterns, and cream pants. The child, whose hair was perfectly combed in a two-block style, was actually very pretty, Wu Xie realized. Was it really a boy?

The boy… girl?… child… leaned against the doorframe to a room in the hallway, arms crossed.

“W-what?” Wu Xie asked with a stammer, remembering he had been asked a question. 

The child smirked, “Your stomach. I asked if you’re keeping some kind of beast in there. I’ve never heard anyone’s stomach growl that loudly.”

Wu Xie blushed, suddenly feeling embarrassed, “Oh… heh, yeah. I… uh… I had a small breakfast.”

The child nodded with a smile, “No need to be embarrassed, it’s not like you could help it, since hunger is a human function that you can’t control. Anyway, you can call me Xiao Hua. And you’re Wu Xie, right? Nice to meet you.”

Wu Xie’s brow furrowed, “Nice to meet you too, but… how do you know my name?” 

Xiao Hua shrugged, “I just figured. I heard Wu Sanxing was coming today for the meeting. My grandfather has spoken of you and your family before. Don’t worry, I’m not a stalker or something like that. I was just taught to listen carefully to everyone and everything I hear.”

Wu Xie just nodded, not knowing what to say. This kid was interesting. He spoke like a grown-up, but Wu Xie didn’t dislike him. He just knew that he wanted to be friends.

After a moment of silence between the two, Xiao Hua nodded his head towards the room behind him, “Wanna come in? I have some cool things I can show you if you’re bored.”

Wu Xie nodded enthusiastically, eager to have some fun despite his fussy tummy.

Xiao Hua led him into his room, and Wu Xie saw just how rich the Xie family was. Wu Xie had known they were wealthy, but he didn’t expect Xiao Hua’s room to be so big.

Even though Wu Xie’s own family was quite well off, the Wu family were mere peasants compared to the wealth of the Xie family.

Wu Xie craned his neck, his mouth agape as he looked around at the room's size. Various fans and other decorative items adorned the shelves and walls. In the corner of the room was a desk with the newest available model of monitor. 

But the room wasn’t extravagant, just huge and cool, Wu Xie thought. 

Xiao Hua looked at the expression on Wu Xie’s face and sighed. “Yep, that’s about what everyone thinks when they see this place: ‘what would such a young child do with such a big room?’”

Wu Xie was caught off guard, as he didn't expect the other kid to voice his thoughts. He could only stare for a moment. “Uhh…”

Xiao Hua snorted, a rather inelegant sound compared to how the boy looked. “I don’t have many friends, so I spend most of my time practicing my hua dan. It sounds terrible, but it's fine. Do you wanna see my stuff?” 

[note: Hua dan is the role of a young female in traditional Chinese opera.]

Before Wu Xie could say anything, a sound startled him. A light hum came from somewhere in the room. His head snapped around before he caught sight of a small figure sitting up in Xiao Hua's bed. 

“Hmm… Xiao Hua-gege, what’aw you doing?” the figure asked in a slurred voice, and Wu Xie realized that it was a little girl no more than three years old. 

The little girl rubbed her sleepy eyes, keeping her head tilted slightly back as if she would fall back asleep at any moment. The girl nearly sounded as if she was going to start crying. 

“Shhh… Sorry Xiao-xiu. We didn't mean to wake you,” Xiao Hua said sweetly, his voice quiet and soothing. The little girl, evidently called Xiuxiu, just stared at the two of them through half-lidded eyes. A beat passed before her face suddenly crumpled and she began to cry.

Wu Xie was taken aback, and he didn’t know what to do as Xiao Hua rushed to her side and placed a comforting hand on her arm, “Hey, it’s okay. Why the tears?”

Wu Xie followed behind and approached the still crying girl, an awkward smile on his face as he spoke softly in an attempt to calm her, “Hi, my name is Wu Xie. Are you Xiuxiu?”

The girl’s sobs stopped abruptly and she peeked out at him from behind her tiny hands.

“Hellooo~~~,” Wu Xie said in a sing-song voice as he crossed his eyes and made a silly face. Even though he was quite young himself, Wu Xie didn’t have much experience with little little kids. He was trying his best. 

Though she still had fresh tears in her eyes, Xiuxiu let out a high-pitched giggle, the sound muffled by her stuffy nose.

Wu Xie and Xiao Hua laughed as well before Wu Xie asked, “What's wrong?”

“I’m hungry,” she said in a small voice after a moment. Wu Xie suddenly remembered his own hunger, and as if on cue, his stomach rumbled once more. His gaze turned desperate and he looked to Xiao Hua as if to ask, where can we get some food?

Xiao Hua smiled, and Wu Xie realized that when he smiled like that, his face looked even younger. More like a baby.

“Well, the kitchen is closed right now. The servants won’t let anyone in until it’s time to eat. That shouldn’t be for another few hours.”

Wu Xie’s face fell instantly, as if he couldn’t accept his fate of starving to death in this maze-like mansion. At least if he did die, he’d be with his two new friends.

He heard Xiuxiu continue to take more shuddering breaths, and Xiao Hua thought for a moment before his face suddenly lit up as if a light bulb had appeared above his head. 

“I think I have an idea. It should work, as long as the grown-ups stay where they’re supposed to.”

“What is it?”

Xiao Hua smiled again, his eyes a bit mischievous, “I’ll tell you, but first, I have to grab a few things, then you two follow me. This plan should be foolproof.” 

Xiao Hua rummaged around his room for a few minutes, stuffing a few random items into a bag. Then, helped Xiuxiu off the bed before taking her hand and motioning for Wu Xie to follow.

***

They had made their way to a different room now, which Xiao Hua called his opera room. An elevated platform was set into the wall in the middle of the room, with light pink curtains and a simple cloud patterned motif behind it. The place was seemingly a stage. 

Wu Xie stood in front of a mirror situated in the far corner of the room, where a standing bamboo screen blocked their view of the rest of the room, creating a sort of private dressing area.

The area was full of different pieces of opera-wear that Wu Xie didn’t know the names of. He stood before a dressing table, with countless different small trinkets, tins, red jade jars, powder boxes, brushes, and even a clear roll of tape. 

What’s the tape for? Wu Xie asked himself in his mind. Was Xiao Hua actually planning on kidnapping him and taping his mouth shut? A shudder ran down his spine and a voice broke him out of his thoughts. 

“Okay, this is where our plan will be a hit or a miss,” Xiao Hua said, hands on his hips.

Xiuxiu sat on a chair a bit further away, her short legs swinging back and forth as she watched the two boys with a smile on her face. She seemed to have forgotten about her hunger already.

Wu Xie was glad for her, because the hollow feeling still lingered in his own stomach. 

“So what’s the plan exactly?” he asked, trying to sound patient and failing. 

“First, I’m going to need you to change into this,” Xiao Hua said as he opened a cabinet from below and grabbed a pile of cloth. He handed it to Wu Xie and motioned for him to change. Wu Xie took the clothes, but just stared at Xiao Hua in confusion. 

Xiao Hua sighed patiently, “Don’t worry, we won’t look.”

Xiao Hua turned his back to Wu Xie and lifted Xiuxiu off the chair, turning her around so she stood in front of himself, his hands on her shoulders. 

Xiuxiu giggled, “Wu Xie-gege, I won’t look, I won’t look!”

Wu Xie was still confused, but he complied and began undressing. 

When he finally figured out how to get himself into the outfit, he sighed deeply and told Xiao Hua he could look now. 

Xiao Hua lifted Xiuxiu back on the chair and turned to Wu Xie. 

“Well, at least it fits,” Xiao Hua said as he immediately went up to fix Wu Xie’s work. When he was done, Wu Xie turned to the mirror and took a look at himself. He was wearing a blue and pink opera dress, with embroidered peach blossoms and wide, long sleeves that went way past his hands. 

Wu Xie looked back at Xiao Hua. “I think you should tell me the plan now,” he said helplessly.

Xiao Hua laughed, “Okay, but first I’m gonna need you to sit down.”

Wu Xie sat at the dressing table chair, and Xiao Hua didn’t give him a chance to speak before he grabbed the tape from the dressing table and cut two short pieces from the roll. 

Xiao Hua then got to work as he explained to Wu Xie his grand plan. 

***

Wu Xie wasn’t sure what he was expecting Xiao Hua’s seemingly genius plan to be, but it certainly wasn’t this.

He stared at himself in the mirror with a look of shock, a stark contrast to the expression on Xiao Hua’s face as he proudly stood back and examined his work. 

Wu Xie didn’t even recognize himself, for his normal hairstyle was gone and replaced with an unusually heavy wig and headdress that Xiao Hua said was called a toukui. But that wasn’t why he couldn't recognize himself– the reason was because his face was now completely painted with white powder. 

The white mixed and spread into a flushed rosy-pink color as it trailed up from his cheekbones to below his dark, upward painted eyebrows. The look was finished off with thick winged eyeliner and stark crimson lips. 

Had Xiao Hua found out a way to turn him into a girl? And a decently pretty girl at that, if Wu Xie did say so himself. He had the fleeting thought that maybe he should take up opera.

“Er Ye would be so proud if he saw you right now,” Xiao Hua said smugly. He had, in the process of doing Wu Xie’s makeup, done his own makeup and then quickly got dressed into an opera gown identical to the one Wu Xie wore. One would just barely be able to tell the two apart.

Xiuxiu laughed again from her chair, “Xiao Hua-gege, he looks just like you!”

That must have been the one sentence Xiao Hua wanted to hear, for he beamed with pride when he heard the remark.

“I think so too, Xiuxiu-meimei. I think so too.”

Wu Xie turned from the mirror, his actions stiff and mechanical as if the whole wig and headpiece would burst into flames if he moved too much. 

“Xiao Hua, what’s next? I’m beginning to think you’ve just used this plan as an excuse to show off your skills.”

Xiao Hua smirked before reaching for the bag he had filled earlier. He rummaged around for a moment before pulling out a calligraphy brush and a small inkwell. 

“What’s that for?” Wu Xie asked in an exasperated tone. Was he planning on teaching him calligraphy now?

Xiao Hua spoke as he dipped the brush in the inkwell, “You’ll need this to remember your lines, otherwise your cover might be blown. Now. Arm please.” He held his hand out, waiting for Wu Xie to give him his arm. 

It took Wu Xie a moment to find his fingers in the seemingly endless sleeve before he rested his forearm in Xiao Hua’s palm.

He immediately began to draw flowing characters on Wu Xie’s skin. “These are your lines. Hopefully you won’t need them, but this is just in case you do. Can you sing well?”

“Uhhhh…” Wu Xie thought for a moment, shook his head, thought for another moment, then shrugged. 

Xiao Hua just hummed, “Eh, you should be fine. Just make your voice as high-pitched as you can without hurting your throat. The servants shouldn’t know the difference.”

Wu Xie was a bit worried at this point, since he really didn’t know whether or not he could sing well enough to achieve their plan. 

Xiao Hua finished his writing, blew on Wu Xie’s arm, fanned it with his hand, then let go.

“Okay, we’re ready. Take this. Remember, I’ll be distracting the grown-ups in the main hall, and you’ll be making your way to the kitchen. If there are any servants guarding the kitchen, they should let you in once you convince them that you’re me. When you get in, grab what goods you can. I’m not sure what the cooks made today, but there should be plenty of food out. The kitchen is directly across from the main hall, so be careful not to get caught by any of the other grown-ups. Use this walkie to let me know when you’re close. Good luck.” Xiao Hua held out a small walkie-talkie that he got from where Wu Xie had no idea.

Wu Xie's head was spinning just a bit when Xiao Hua was done speaking. But he was ready to get that food. 

~~~

Wu Xie tiptoed his way out into the hall. In his mind, he was going over the directions to the kitchen that Xiao Hua had given him.

Two rights, a left, another right, past the tall Yunnan Cypress bonsai, and then straight ahead. 

Wu Xie wasn’t sure what a Yunnan Cypress looked like, but he was confident in his guessing skills. 

He kept close to the walls, trying his best to not make any noise. It was a bit hard to keep steady with the heavy headdress, and his feet kept getting caught in the hem of the skirt, but he was managing. 

Two rights, a left…

He turned the corner and froze like a deer in headlights when he heard the sound of a woman’s voice from behind. 

“Xiao Ye? What are you doing?”

He slowly turned, eyes wide. He saw a young woman, probably a servant judging from her clothes. She held a feather duster in her hand, and wore a kind smile on her face. 

Wu Xie cleared his throat and he hoped the voice that came sounded at least a bit like Xiao Hua. 

“Y-yes? It’s him… He’s me… I mean, yes, it’s me, Xiao Hua. I’m just… I was just practicing my opera… Yeah. Grandpa said my form was off, so… yeah. ” he finished with a stiff, toothy smile pasted on his face.

The servant didn’t say anything, but her eyes squinted slightly as if she was a bit suspicious of his words. “Aha, I see. Well, Xiao Ye, why don’t you sing me a few lines? I’d love to hear.’

Wu Xie’s blood ran cold. He coughed. “S-sing a few lines? S-sure. Umm…”

He remembered the lines Xiao Hua had given him. Being as inconspicuous as he could, he flicked his wrist over and over until finally, his fingers were free of the seemingly miles-long sleeve. 

The woman watched intently, her elbow resting on her palm as she waited patiently.

Wu Xie took quick glances at the inside of his forearm as he summoned the most opera-like voice he could, and read the lines.

“Ahem… Uh….The mirror reflects a beauty, yet the flower knows no rest… The water mirrors the waning moon, yet the moon has no face. The wind stirs the flowers, and the…”

He had to squint and look closer to see the finely written print on his skin, “And… and th-the branches sway. The moon moves on, yet the heart remains…”

Wu Xie decided that should be enough to satisfy the woman, so he stopped there and smiled again.

The servant looked as if she was going to burst into a fit of laughter, but she suppressed it with a fit of forced coughs and then nodded. “Well done, Xiao Ye. You sounded… so very elegant. And… yes, terrifyingly unforgettable.”

Wu Xie wasn’t going to risk saying anything else, in case his voice would give out. He smiled widely at the woman’s words, feeling a little smug knowing that he’d fooled her.

“Well, just let me know if you need anything, alright?”

Wu Xie just nodded, eyes wide as he watched her turn and make her way down the opposite hallway. 

When she was out of sight, his shoulders slumped and he sighed deeply. 

“Phew, that was close,” he whispered to himself.

He continued his mission, and soon he caught sight of a large bonsai, nearly taller than himself. 

He had a feeling he was close. He could smell it.

He pulled out his walkie talkie and pressed the side button, “Come in, Xiao Hua. I’m nearing the kitchen.”

There was static, and then the distant ring of Xiao Hua's singing came through the speaker before he heard Xiuxiu’s voice, “Over, Wu Xie-gege. It’s me. Xiao Hua-gege is a-go, everything is a-good here.”

Wu Xie smiled at her choice of words and gave her an okay through the speaker before proceeding straight ahead. 

He made his way to the door that Xiao Hua had described to him as the one to the kitchen, and thankfully, no servants were around.

He tried the handle and found that it was unlocked. He stifled a giggle and entered quietly, quickly closing the door behind him. 

When he looked around, his heart stuttered. There was so much food. 

He didn't know where to start. He looked back and forth, at steamer baskets of baozi, mantou, and more. 

Suddenly, his eyes landed on a tray of golden spheres and his mouth began to water terribly. 

Oh yes. His favorite. Jian dui. 

He didn't need anything else at that moment. He grabbed an empty steamer basket from the corner and began to stack it full of the crispy little sesame-seed covered treasures. 

[note: Jian dui, also known as sesame balls, are fried dough balls rolled in sesame seeds and commonly filled with lotus seed paste.] 

He threw in a few baozi and a few other delicacies, but by the time he was done, the basket was nearly overflowing with jian dui.

In Wu Xie's eyes, this was ten… No. Twenty… No. A hundred times better than a basket of real treasure. 

He laughed from deep within his chest and his stomach rumbled in anticipation. He cradled the basket close to his chest as he exited the kitchen and sneakily made his way back to Xiao Hua's bedroom. 

***

Wu Xie closed the door behind him, heaving a sigh of relief as he set down the basket of goods and flopped on the bed. He forgot for a moment that he was wearing a skirt, and he nearly got tangled to death in the fabric. 

He rustled in his pocket for a moment, pulled out the walkie talkie, and pressed the button once more. 

“Xiao Hua, the goods have been secured. How are things on your end? Are you there? Xiao Hua, where are you? The treasure is getting cold!”

He realized with a chuckle that he had to let go of the button to let the other side talk. He went silent, and soon heard Xiao Hua's voice come through, “Xiao Hua here. Mission complete. T-minus 30 seconds until arrival.”

Exactly thirty seconds later, the door opened. Wu Xie's heart trembled for a moment before he saw Xiao Hua and Xiuxiu enter, hand-in-hand. 

“Mission complete! Mission complete! Xiao Hua-gege, Wu Xie-gege, we did it!” Xiuxiu laughed brightly as they closed the door. 

The two boys laughed and the three of them sat down on the floor beside the bed. Wu Xie opened the lid of the steamer basket, revealing the mountain of delicious snacks waiting to be devoured. 

The three looked at each other, smiling brighter than ever. 

They dug in, their little hands soon getting covered in the greasy goodness. 

They all three giggled happily--their stomachs would be full until the next sunrise. 

***

Sometime later ~

Wu Sanxing had been looking for Wu Xie for… Well, he had lost track of time at some point. 

He frantically searched the house, actually getting a little nervous. He wasn't sure that his brother really wouldn't skin him alive if he found out that he'd actually lost the boy this time. 

He searched and searched, until he approached a door that he hadn't noticed before. 

He knocked lightly. He got no answer, so he tried the handle. 

He opened the door slowly. 

What he saw inside made his heart stutter for a moment before a soft smile played on his lips. 

Three figures lay sprawled on the bed in the middle of the room, their limbs entangled with one another's. Their little greasy faces were peaceful in sleep, their breathing steady. 

Two headdresses sat tossed aside on the floor beside the bed, and Xiao Hua and Wu Xie's hair stuck up haphazardly in various positions, and there was still tape at their temples. Xiuxiu lay between the two boys, a blanket hiking up her side. 

He caught sight of an empty steamer basket also tossed aside on the floor. 

Wu Sanxing laughed, stifling it with a palm. 

Just what had gone on in here? 

end~

__________

sidenote: the title is a Chinese idiom that has a few meanings, but mainly means 'an illusory scene'. I thought that was fitting to the whole idea of their little scheme lol. It's also the name of the song that Xiao Hua wrote on Wu Xie's wrist for him to sing. I'm not sure how traditional the song is, but I found it after digging around online and thought it fit. You can find it here.

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed!

@tiesanjiaoshenanigans